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Relationships

relationshipsThe purpose of every relationship is to show us who we are, while continually giving each person opportunities for personal growth. Only by being in a relationship can we see where our walls and barriers to love are.;

While we need the relationship to be a place of safety, our ego mind wants it to be the place where we don't have to work at anything or think about our wounds and what triggers us. We expect the other person to be understanding and compensate all our past hurts. A wound makes us retract and feel like it's not safe to love. Our personality characteristics are the result of our wounds. As adults we express pain through our character defects and why we get labeled as bossy, controlling, needy, demanding, angry, obnoxious, etc.;

Conscious living involves understanding at a certain point that it doesn't matter where or why we got wounded, what matters is that it's ours now and we're responsible for our behaviour and its effect on others. It's not just our behaviour but the style of our behaviour. It's not just what we say but how we say it.;

It's not other people’s responsibility to figure out what pain led us to behave in a hurtful way. This is what the spiritual journey is, situations come up and we're faced with our own stuff. Nothing puts us through this process like our intimate relationships. "Love brings up everything unlike itself". If there is any deviation from love it is the pain that leads us to it.;

Nature, in its wisdom, has set it up to be about self-actualization. All that is unhealed in us will come up in our relationships. My ego wants you to say and do everything that will make my life easy. The Universe says "I'm going to bring you that person who triggers you in the unhealed area to give you both an equal opportunity for growth." It's why we are brought to each other. There is a distinction between staying and acting responsibly, holding myself and the other accountable, vs staying and allowing myself to be abused.;

The issue is not that we attracted them. The issue is that we are attracted to them because we haven't learned the lesson. For example, it's not that they came into your life. It's that they came, you recognized them for who they are, and you still gave them your number.;

Love is all around us. Love is an emotional skill set. Love is a verb. Our success in this moment is determined by what we're willing to give, not get.;

The best way to prepare ourselves for love is by 'being' love in any situation. Romantic love is not where two emotional invalids come together in unison to complete each other. Real, sacred partnership is based on the desire to join forces and create together to be better and stronger than we could on our own.;

Based on the teachings of A Course in Miracles and a talk given by Marianne Williamson

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Feast on Your Life

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the others welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

By Derek Walcott

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Are You Listening?

Ok, so I just read something that I have to share with you ASAP!!!

Are You Listening?Lately I’ve been reading some books by Alice Miller who primarily writes about childhood trauma and how it affects us in adulthood. I want to share an excerpt from a journal written by a recovering anorexic found in Alice Miller’s book titled “ The Body Never Lies”.

“I don’t want to die! You keep on saying I want to die, but it’s a lie, complete and utter nonsense. I want to live, but not the way other people tell me to, just so they can prevent me from dying. I want to live as the person I really am. But they won’t let me. No one let’s me. They all have designs on me. And what they’re really doing is snuffing out my life with those designs. I wanted to tell you that, but how could I? How can you tell people that, …………I really feel no one listens to me. ……..You say you want to listen to me, but all you do is try to impress me, you want to fool me, you want me to like you, admire you, and you want to get something out of this whole business……….. Genuine communication, something I’ve longed for all my life. My anorexia was a flight from this spurious, poisoned nourishment. It saved my life; it preserved my desire for warmth, understanding, communication, and exchange…….”-The Fictional Diary of Anita Frank

I continue to be haunted by ‘Anita’s’ truth after reading this because I know this is how we all feel. We all want someone to just listen, REALLY listen to us.  Sure, we don’t all express this need by becoming anorexic however let’s not kid ourselves, we all express our truth in our own way. Food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, nail biting, jogging, judging, criticizing, gossiping, over achieving, controlling………I have started to make a point of noticing how it manifests for me. Do you know how it manifests for you?

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Same, Same But Different

It is not your job to make my life perfect. Your responsibility is to your life, happiness included. You teach me how to treat you by accepting, or not, my behaviour as it relates to you. Respect and unconditional love for me starts with you practicing that with yourself first. You cannot give to me that which you don't give to yourself. There's a ...
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