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Closing the Gap

What if you knew that your physical health was linked to your emotions? Would you pay attention, do anything different, would you even care?

Research has proven there is a definite link between our physical health and our emotional state. Studies continue to show us just how closely related the two are. Epigenetics is the study of chemical reactions and factors influencing them as it relates to our genes. (More on epigenetics in future blogs)

dnaChronic painful emotions create psychological wounds that if ignored will distort our perception and thinking. Negative emotions like loneliness, failure or the fear of, rejection, low self esteem create stress and are known to cause high blood pressure, increase cholesterol levels, suppress our immune system and more. In short, unprocessed negative emotions increase our chance of illness and premature death. How well do you pay attention to your emotions?

Once we become convinced of something it is very difficult to change our mind. Replaying in our mind all the negative thoughts and beliefs becomes a habit that will eventually destroy our health. Our mind plays tricks on us, wanting us to believe it is the best friend who only wants the best for us while at times acts like our worst enemy. When something is going well it tells us how brilliant we are and just as easily when something goes wrong it will tell us how absolutely stupid we are. It makes us feel afraid and insignificant just as easily as it plumps us up with false bravado. As a result most of us function below our actual potential which affects both our health and quality of life.

What can we do? We have to fight feelings of helplessness, anger and sadness, break the negative cycle by gaining control of our mind. By taking action through changing our responses to the world we will become less like a victim and feel better. Just like negative emotions can make us sick positive emotions like joy, peace and happiness can heal us. They empower us by lifting our emotions which in turn reduce stress levels and restore our body to equilibrium and well being.

Let's close the gap between our physical and psychological health by making them both of equal priority. We certainly don't have anything to lose and so very much to gain!

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Relationships

relationshipsThe purpose of every relationship is to show us who we are, while continually giving each person opportunities for personal growth. Only by being in a relationship can we see where our walls and barriers to love are.;

While we need the relationship to be a place of safety, our ego mind wants it to be the place where we don't have to work at anything or think about our wounds and what triggers us. We expect the other person to be understanding and compensate all our past hurts. A wound makes us retract and feel like it's not safe to love. Our personality characteristics are the result of our wounds. As adults we express pain through our character defects and why we get labeled as bossy, controlling, needy, demanding, angry, obnoxious, etc.;

Conscious living involves understanding at a certain point that it doesn't matter where or why we got wounded, what matters is that it's ours now and we're responsible for our behaviour and its effect on others. It's not just our behaviour but the style of our behaviour. It's not just what we say but how we say it.;

It's not other people’s responsibility to figure out what pain led us to behave in a hurtful way. This is what the spiritual journey is, situations come up and we're faced with our own stuff. Nothing puts us through this process like our intimate relationships. "Love brings up everything unlike itself". If there is any deviation from love it is the pain that leads us to it.;

Nature, in its wisdom, has set it up to be about self-actualization. All that is unhealed in us will come up in our relationships. My ego wants you to say and do everything that will make my life easy. The Universe says "I'm going to bring you that person who triggers you in the unhealed area to give you both an equal opportunity for growth." It's why we are brought to each other. There is a distinction between staying and acting responsibly, holding myself and the other accountable, vs staying and allowing myself to be abused.;

The issue is not that we attracted them. The issue is that we are attracted to them because we haven't learned the lesson. For example, it's not that they came into your life. It's that they came, you recognized them for who they are, and you still gave them your number.;

Love is all around us. Love is an emotional skill set. Love is a verb. Our success in this moment is determined by what we're willing to give, not get.;

The best way to prepare ourselves for love is by 'being' love in any situation. Romantic love is not where two emotional invalids come together in unison to complete each other. Real, sacred partnership is based on the desire to join forces and create together to be better and stronger than we could on our own.;

Based on the teachings of A Course in Miracles and a talk given by Marianne Williamson

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Actions and Words

I notice when your actions don’t match your words.

I feel when you are not being totally honest with me.

I remember the promises that you make and don’t keep.

I see how you dismiss my thoughts and feelings as though they didn’t matter.

I know when you are lying to yourself and living in denial.

Not because I want to, it’s just how I’m wired.

Yes, I could turn to addiction (many of us do) to numb the pain I feel when I am with you. Except ‘I’ want to be in control of myself.

I could judge you and point out all your faults, mistakes and lies but I am too sensitive to want to hurt your feelings. I know that pain too well. And I also know that I would only make myself sick by doing so. I choose to be healthy.

Sometimes I wonder how you can’t see the pain you’ve caused me. But I don’t tell you because somewhere along the line I figured out that my happiness is my responsibility. You are my teacher and you will give me as many opportunities as I need to learn the lessons you are here to teach me. When I notice my frustration with the repetitiveness of my lessons I’ve learned not to judge you but to look within for the answer. I’ve learned to accept that some lessons are harder for me to learn than I would like.

I now know that my sensitivity is my gift, the one I was born with. You were born with your own and oh how I envied that your gift was more obvious to you than mine was to me. I am excited to tell you that is no longer the case.

I want to thank you for helping me feel the pain so deeply because it forced me to keep searching for the answers that would make sense of it all. And I want to thank you, who held a wise, loving, gentle and safe space for me while I struggled to find MY gift. I love you equally.

Now that I finally recognize my gift I want to own and honour it. The best way I can do this is to use my gift to help you find and use your gift.

My gift has, and continues to help me find the way to live my life in peace, happiness, gratitude, abundance, acceptance and the true meaning of unconditional love. I promise you that your gift brings the same opportunity for you to find your way as well. This is THE journey of our life.

With deep gratitude and love,

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The Pain Journey

By GiGi

Thru pain, I realize my weaknesses.
Thru pain, I acknowledge my actions.
Thru pain, I must face my loneliness.
Thru pain, I search for answers.
Thru pain, I ask for meaning.
Thru pain, I look to God.
Thru pain, I question my motives.
Thru pain, I seek the Light.
Thru pain, I learn to forgive.
Thru pain, I let go of obstacles.
Thru pain, my friends will gather.
Thru pain, my prayers have meaning.
Thru pain, the dark is frightening.
Thru pain, my heart is broken.
Thru pain, my spirit is aching.
Thru pain, my burden feels heavier.
Thru pain, my tears seem endless.
Thru pain, my world seems hollow.
Thru pain, I reach into my abyss.
Thru pain, I learn to love.
Thru pain, I must forever believe.
Thru pain, I await the new day.
Thru pain, I discover my strength.
Thru pain, I let go of control.
Thru pain, I become child-like.
Thru pain, I must be by myself.
Thru pain, the flicker of hope remains.
Thru pain, I must accept defeat.
Thru pain, is the joy of surrender.
Thru pain, self-love is the journey.
Thru pain, my mind becomes calm.
Thru pain, my vulnerability is apparent.
Thru pain, I can offer compassion.
Thru pain, I can receive love.
Thru pain, I transcend materialism.
Thru pain, I chip away at my rigid thinking.
Thru pain, I discover my calling.
Thru pain, the rain is sweet.
Thru pain, the wind is an embrace.
Thru pain, the earth sustains.
Thru pain, time stands still.
Thru pain, my senses are heightened.
Thru pain, my logic is dulled.
Thru pain, my love can be genuine.
Thru pain, my heart awaits.
Thru pain, feelings are confronted.
Thru pain, I learn to accept.
Thru pain, God will carry me.
Thru pain, I become one with my sister,
my brother.
Thru pain, I know myself.

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Feast on Your Life

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the others welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

By Derek Walcott

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Are You Listening?

Ok, so I just read something that I have to share with you ASAP!!!

Are You Listening?Lately I’ve been reading some books by Alice Miller who primarily writes about childhood trauma and how it affects us in adulthood. I want to share an excerpt from a journal written by a recovering anorexic found in Alice Miller’s book titled “ The Body Never Lies”.

“I don’t want to die! You keep on saying I want to die, but it’s a lie, complete and utter nonsense. I want to live, but not the way other people tell me to, just so they can prevent me from dying. I want to live as the person I really am. But they won’t let me. No one let’s me. They all have designs on me. And what they’re really doing is snuffing out my life with those designs. I wanted to tell you that, but how could I? How can you tell people that, …………I really feel no one listens to me. ……..You say you want to listen to me, but all you do is try to impress me, you want to fool me, you want me to like you, admire you, and you want to get something out of this whole business……….. Genuine communication, something I’ve longed for all my life. My anorexia was a flight from this spurious, poisoned nourishment. It saved my life; it preserved my desire for warmth, understanding, communication, and exchange…….”-The Fictional Diary of Anita Frank

I continue to be haunted by ‘Anita’s’ truth after reading this because I know this is how we all feel. We all want someone to just listen, REALLY listen to us.  Sure, we don’t all express this need by becoming anorexic however let’s not kid ourselves, we all express our truth in our own way. Food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, nail biting, jogging, judging, criticizing, gossiping, over achieving, controlling………I have started to make a point of noticing how it manifests for me. Do you know how it manifests for you?

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When I fail, I fail better

“Doing  the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein

This past weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving and as I was busy with preparations for the family dinner I was mindful to notice the many blessings I had to be thankful for.

It has been a very difficult year in many respects and at the same time a most terrific year, the flow of life. My personal belief is that the difficult times give me an opportunity to grow by stretching me beyond my ‘safe’ limits while the easy times allow me to catch my breath, enjoy  the results of my efforts and prepare me for the next growth spurt.

The thing that stands out most for me from this past weekend is how just when I think I’ve got it ‘right’ I find that I don’t. My children are usually the first to help me see this and back to the drawing board I go. I read somewhere that failure is good; each time I fail, I fail better and if I don’t give up I will eventually run out of ways to fail and that’s when I’ll get it ‘right’. I don’t know about you but I find this VERY exciting! There are only two key prerequisites that I must remember: each failure must be due to a different response from whatever my previous one(s) was and I must not quit until there is nothing left but success. It’s simply a process of elimination.

I am thankful for my children and the many opportunities they give me to stop the insanity!

Who helps you to stop the insanity?

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When the facts are clear the choices are obvious

When the facts are clearIf you’ve lived your life listening to everyone else tell you what you should want and do it’s easy to forget who you are and what you want.

Think of your feelings as messengers whose sole purpose is to tell you what you need to change in your life. Feeling ‘lost’ is calling you to find yourself. You can do this by starting to notice what feels good to you. You will recognize this feeling because it will feel liberating to you. It will feel as though a ton of bricks has been lifted from your shoulders, your body will completely relax and you will feel calm. When you feel this, trust that this is your confirmation of what you should do. Consider this your gut feel, your inner voice, your higher self.

I caution you to not get caught up in the thinking that you must know all the details from start to finish. When you trust in your ‘gut’ feel and act from that place of knowing, your path will be cleared one step at a time.

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Same, Same But Different

It is not your job to make my life perfect. Your responsibility is to your life, happiness included. You teach me how to treat you by accepting, or not, my behaviour as it relates to you. Respect and unconditional love for me starts with you practicing that with yourself first. You cannot give to me that which you don't give to yourself. There's a ...
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