My Blog

Actions and Words

I notice when your actions don’t match your words.

I feel when you are not being totally honest with me.

I remember the promises that you make and don’t keep.

I see how you dismiss my thoughts and feelings as though they didn’t matter.

I know when you are lying to yourself and living in denial.

Not because I want to, it’s just how I’m wired.

Yes, I could turn to addiction (many of us do) to numb the pain I feel when I am with you. Except ‘I’ want to be in control of myself.

I could judge you and point out all your faults, mistakes and lies but I am too sensitive to want to hurt your feelings. I know that pain too well. And I also know that I would only make myself sick by doing so. I choose to be healthy.

Sometimes I wonder how you can’t see the pain you’ve caused me. But I don’t tell you because somewhere along the line I figured out that my happiness is my responsibility. You are my teacher and you will give me as many opportunities as I need to learn the lessons you are here to teach me. When I notice my frustration with the repetitiveness of my lessons I’ve learned not to judge you but to look within for the answer. I’ve learned to accept that some lessons are harder for me to learn than I would like.

I now know that my sensitivity is my gift, the one I was born with. You were born with your own and oh how I envied that your gift was more obvious to you than mine was to me. I am excited to tell you that is no longer the case.

I want to thank you for helping me feel the pain so deeply because it forced me to keep searching for the answers that would make sense of it all. And I want to thank you, who held a wise, loving, gentle and safe space for me while I struggled to find MY gift. I love you equally.

Now that I finally recognize my gift I want to own and honour it. The best way I can do this is to use my gift to help you find and use your gift.

My gift has, and continues to help me find the way to live my life in peace, happiness, gratitude, abundance, acceptance and the true meaning of unconditional love. I promise you that your gift brings the same opportunity for you to find your way as well. This is THE journey of our life.

With deep gratitude and love,

The Pain Journey


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Sunday, 25 October 2020

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